Yesterday was a bad day…

I’ve been burning the candle at both ends - taking care of the house, taking care of my son, and tying up some loose ends for a client of mine. I’ve been staying up late, waking up early, eating out of boredom, and been cooped up in the house for the past week or so.

I took my son out for a drive yesterday to get out and try and get some perspective. I found an old tape of new wave music from the 80’s, and started reminiscing about my college years. As I thought back to a younger, lighter, more carefree me, I started thinking about where I am in my life now. I’m approaching 40, I’m tired, my last management job was in 1999; I’ve been a tech since then. The money’s good, but after a while, I feel like I can’t compete with a twenty-something with no life and more time on his/her hands.

Then, I thought about 1999-2000, when I started consulting and business was booming. I started clearing out my office and got a bunch of books I don’t need packed away to donate. In that pile were several books I bought when I started freelancing. Realizing I didn’t need them any more hit home; I’d started a business, and was trying to shut it down.

I’ve been looking for work and managing clients for a year; now I’m juggling childcare on top of that. I’ve lost count of the number of resumes I’ve sent out; the last time I looked for a job, I sent out 10 resumes and got responses from 5 and offers from 2.

I don’t see any major upswing in the local economy, but I’m sort of tied down here - my wife’s and my families all live in the area, and having them as a support for us and having them in my son’s life is important.

I have another 30 pounds to lose after losing 60 pounds over the past 2 years, but I’m too tired and stressed to exercise. I’m sitting in a house full of food, and I’m eating like crap without even realizing it. It feels like I’ve pulled a muscle in my chest from carrying around a 20 pound infant, and it hasn’t gotten better in 2 weeks.

That was yesterday. Normally, I’m a pretty resilient person, but sometimes a lot of miscellaneous things add up to a big load on your shoulders - none of this would bother me on any other day.

This morning is better - I got to sleep at a 9:30pm, got up for a bottle at 4:15am, then got to sleep in again until 7:30am. I *really* need to learn how to nap in the daytime.

Once the weather warms up a bit, I’m going to get a jogging stroller. Getting out, getting some air, and hitting the trails again will help a lot.

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